What is Love? A War Between Mirrors and Mercy: Unlearning Perfect.

Love is a feeling everyone talks about, it’s either highest of highs or the lowest of lows, but what actually is love? Love is touched upon on a daily basis both consciously and unconsciously, it never leaves our soul. You could say, “I love you” or you could show your love for someone or something. You appreciate them, you love them. Still, aren’t there various genres of love? Why is this feeling important?

Cited by My Best Self, “Love is essential for human survival and well-being, fostering emotional security, mental health, and physical longevity. It reduces stress, boosts the immune system, and lowers risks of depression, anxiety, and heart disease. Furthermore, love provides a sense of purpose, strengthens social connections, and enhances overall happiness.” What if I can’t feel that love? What is the meaning of connection, purpose, and happiness if I can’t feel the love expelled out?

Practice self-love. Self-love is when you appreciate that version of yourself in the mirror and that version of yourself when no one is watching. Every version of you. Fine, I’ll admit it, I don’t love myself, but can you blame me?
You might have jumped into the conclusion that I’m a female and my body is all that I care about. Scientifically, you would be right! Females suffer mental and physical pains more than males, stated by the National Library of Medicine. The National Organization for Women Foundation emphasizes that, “ 69-84% of American women experience body dissatisfaction,” starting from early adolescence, while the Eating Recovery Center indicates, “body or weight dissatisfaction is experienced by nearly 40% of men,” also starting from early adolescence. However, there is no one to specifically blame. Society has organized hierarchies and standards for everything in our daily lives. You can think of society like a wandering eye that’s always watching you.

Society can take something as simple as a sandwich and question: Couldn’t you have chosen different ingredients? Why couldn’t the sandwich be made with this type of bread, why couldn’t the sandwich be made with that type of meat? Why is the sandwich so tall? Why does it have so much meat? The list could go on. Why? Because society has so many opinions on our bodies, even the tiniest details. That is, for women to always be thin and soft otherwise they are too masculine. Vice versa for men: be muscular and rough otherwise you’re too feminine.

So, you may ask, how can I improve my confidence? How can I start loving myself for who I am? Do you want me to be nonchalant? NO! Just like romantic and platonic love, self-love should come naturally, not through force. The relationship you build with yourself will have the same challenges as any other. Think about love this way: if you water it, provide it with sunlight, and remove the weeds, the plant will bloom and beautify the scenery. The same goes with self love.

Redefining Love: ways to practice self-love

1. Journaling – my personal favorite!

• Writing honestly about your fears and mistakes encourages self-acceptance rather than judgement, this strives for a habit of a compassionate inner voice and moral compass.

2. Prioritize Physical/ Mental Care –  most common remedy

• Taking breaks (e.g. a walk outside, bathe yourself in the sun) in between studying and work to rejuvenate your mind; research has confirmed, taking breaks between a longitude task improves accuracy and burnout.
• Attend basic human needs by sleeping well, exercising, and eating healthy.

3. Create a mood-boosting playlist

• Surround yourself in positive vibes! Smiles are contagious! Research shows that seeing a smile activates the orbitofrontal cortex, the region of the brain that processes sensory rewards, causing an urge to mimic the expression (Stated by the National Institutes of Health).

4. When you hear your inner critic screaming, take a hard pivot – my second favorite remedy!

• At the end of the day, that inner voice is still yourself so criticizing yourself after disappointing people and/or make mistakes that’s the opposite of self-love
• Advice from my mentor: if you find yourself overthinking a past interaction or your own capabilities, put everything in front of you aside, take a moment and do some breathing exercises. Take a short walk if necessary!

5. Talk about your feelings – find someone you trust who is able to listen

• Not only does talking about your feelings strengthen your relationship with that significant other, being vulnerable about what you’re going through with someone else is a major form of self-love! To you it might seem uncomfortable. To them, you have well-rounded confidence and trust in both yourself and others around you.
• As much social media disgraces therapy, if you feel as if you don’t have a close person that has the capacity to listen (because not everyone has the energy to hear about your anxiety-filled day) you could unpack it all with a therapist. Silence those criticisms from people you have never met in real life, if it means putting yourself first.

Incorporate these ways to practice self-love daily and remember to take one step at a time. Along your journey be gentle and reassure yourself because love takes time to blossom and soon you will experience the sweetness of self-love.