Parents living through their children: Why is it so wrong?

Children are not their parents’ second chance at greatness; they are an opportunity to raise new, individual greatness. 

It’s normal for parents to push their children to do what’s “best for them” or to follow in their footsteps. However, there is a moment where it crosses a line, and this is when the parent lives through their child, forcing them to achieve goals that they weren’t able to when they were children. Children are trapped into pleasing their parents.

When thinking about it from a fictional point of view, there is Nicole Watterson, the mother in “The Amazing World of Gumball.” She’s known for being a hard worker and striving for success even in an unsuccessful environment, and that’s because of how she was raised and the immense pressure her parents put on her. 

Her legal name is Doctor Nicole Watterson, and she was born wearing a suit and tie because her mother said it’s best to dress for “dress for the job you want.” Nicole was given “every possible chance to succeed” all at the same time. Her medical records list the wrong blood type because “why settle for B- when you can have A+?” This all resulted in her cutting her parents off for 20 years because of the abuse and unexcused pressure that was placed on her.

“As a child, you trust your parents for a lot of stuff,” a college freshman interviewee says. “A lot of the stuff you do, you do to make them proud. A lot of the hobbies you had wouldn’t be taken into consideration [as a career]. It kind of feels like you have no freedom or choice.”

 As a child, she did every possible sport per the request of her parents. She enjoyed them for fun but did not enjoy “the thought of having it as a future career.”

Richard Sandrak, Little Hercules, was a former child bodybuilder in the early 2000s. This title was because of the intense pressures he was placed under by his parents, Pavel and Lena Sandrak, who were a martial arts world champion and an aerobics expert, respectively. However, this meant putting him through intense and abusive training that Richard never wanted to do, as it stripped him of his childhood. Now, at 33 years old, Richard has turned away from bodybuilding.

Being a professional athlete is often thought to be the only path to success, and this is especially prominent in communities of color. 

“Parents of Black and Hispanic/Latino children were more likely than white parents to believe that the goal of playing pro sports justifies the pressure to specialize,” according to Project Play, and the same with urban vs suburban households.

There’s the idea that reaching a level of fame similar to a pro athlete is the best type of success. Children “throw away their hobbies that they actually want to do” because being an athlete is the “best option”, says the interviewee.

When a parent lives through their child, it isn’t a good thing. The child may succeed in sports or academics, but they won’t have any pride or enjoyment in themselves because they’re doing what their parents want. There’s underlying abuse that happens. However, when parents encourage their children to do great and succeed, it isn’t them living through their children. Instead, it’s them allowing their children to be the greatest person they can be through their means.