This summer is not what I planned

1.

For the last few days, I’ve been experimenting a lot with realism. When I paint I’d say I’m doing pretty well, but everything I paint has been sweets … maybe I’m just craving them.

My friends have been bugging me to meet up with them. I keep saying, “I don’t want corona, you better be six feet apart from me,” and even though I’m serious I don’t think that will happen knowing them. They would jump on me the moment they saw me, lol.

There have been a few things on my mind since last month. One is how school is going to be next year, and the other is how I’m technically not supposed to be here, haha. If it wasn’t for coronavirus I’d be at Maine Teen Camp for my Summer Search wilderness trip. Honestly, I’m not sure if I’m happy that it got cancelled or sad. I would have been away from June 28 to July 23 with no cell phone (not that I have a working one at the moment anyway) and none of my mom’s delicious food. I mean, come on, who wouldn’t miss their mother’s food? I’d miss my dog even though he’s annoying, my brothers … eh, they will be fine and I won’t miss them, lol. But I’d miss being able to paint and draw and oh god, no reading on Wattpad would be a nightmare. I guess that’s the point of it though, getting out of your comfort zone and trying new things. With all that said I think it’s safe to say I wouldn’t last a week, but all in all I think it would have been a great experience because I’ve never travelled before and it would have prepared me for my trip next summer where I get to choose where I want to go. (Still haven’t decided yet, but who knows, maybe I’ll go to Texas.)

Omg! Recently I’ve been wanting a cat and my parents are more dog people, but my mom said I could get a cat! I’m so excited … my stepdad though … he isn’t too happy. I must find a way to convince him it’s a good idea!! Mission accepted, and if you have a cat … I love you. 

I started reading this book on Wattpad yesterday. I’m currently waiting for the next update … this author needs to hurry up. I need my daily dose of Ruby and Woody. The book is called “His Heir,” it’s the third book in the “His Mission” series. I highly recommend it.

My mom’s birthday is coming up and I’m sorry to say this … but I have no clue what to get her. I mean do, I’ll get her a card and say, “Here’s to another year alive dealing with me constantly annoying you! But hey, I still love you!”

I don’t even know why this is on my mind right now, but like why is bottled acrylic thinner than tubed acrylic? I mean if you can make bottled acrylic thin why not make tubed acrylic the same way? It’s stupid in my opinion. I mean, satin and matte bottled acrylic paint is so much better than regular tubed acrylic. You have so much more control.

Bruh, “Bedroom Ceiling” by Sody hits differently at night. I think it’s safe to say I’m just rambling now, but who cares at this point lol. I don’t know where all this came from, literally my mind was blank before this.

I’m thinking about doing dual enrollment next year, but I don’t know. I also want to do Artists for Humanity (where you get paid for making art after a 36-hour apprenticeship) but I’m currently doing Summer Search and I have to check in with my mentor every week, so I don’t know how that will work. 

“Slow” by SHY Martin just started playing and I lost my train of thought. Now I’m low-key in my feelings … great.

I wonder if my friend would like a painting of her name and a moon. Maybe I’ll surprise her for her birthday.  Oh no, now I’m thinking about painting and if I pick up a paintbrush I won’t stop for a few hours. Painting is like a drug, once I start I can’t stop. 

I know this is random but Elina and Faith Marie have the best songs if you’re in your feelings.

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2.

This is gonna get emotional … so this has been on my mind a lot recently. Last year in December I got a call from my doctor. (I’ll spare you the details.) I remember my mom looking at me with eyes full of concern. When the doctor called I didn’t think much of it and I figured it would just be a normal conversation, but then she told me I had a disorder that impacted me being able to have kids. In short, I most likely won’t be able to have any. Now I’m not gonna lie, I have always joked about not having any kids since “kids are demons,” but now having that choice taken away from me hurts. My mom told me that if I do want to have kids I will need to go through a long process, and to top it off I have a high chance of having twins if it works. Now that’s great and all … but what if I have a girl? She has a big chance of having the same thing I have, and I don’t know, that just doesn’t sit well with me. I’m not sure I want my daughter to go through that. It’s a lot to deal with. Hell, I still don’t know everything yet.

On a lighter note, I was told that I will be moving into my brother’s room when my older brother moves into college at the end of August! And let me tell you I am excited about that. I can’t wait to have a bigger room, and omg, the amount of art I can fit on those walls will be amazing. My parents are worried I’m going to end up painting on every wall in the room. I laughed and said I would never. Well, then again I’m not sure considering I’m currently painting a mural on my door with my name in the center and things I like around it. (I’m still not done but I’d say I’m making good progress.)

Ah, great, my dog is crying. Poor baby, I feel so bad for him, I wish he could come out of his cage but he’s in trouble … he ate my mom’s lip gloss. Honestly, I’m surprised he is still alive. He’s eaten so many things that could have killed him. Hell, he ate epoxy glue once and he’s still here! I’m convinced he is not a real dog.

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3.

I recently found this game on the Nintendo Switch and omg it is so cute! It’s called “Pokémon Café.” I love it so much. I think I’m addicted. It’s such a problem. I can’t help it though, the game is addictive. That’s saying something coming from me. I don’t play video games much, but recently I can’t stop playing it. 

Oh! I’m getting a new phone soon and I can’t wait. I want it and I want it now.

My cousin’s birthday is this weekend. It’s been a while since I saw her, she’s growing up so fast.

To be honest, I’m not sure what to write about, there isn’t a lot on my mind at the moment, but the fact that it is uncomfortably hot in this house and outside is not making it better. Even with multiple fans and air conditioners on nothing helps. Plan my funeral, I will die from this heat.

Yesterday my mom had me hang jewelry up in her office on pegboards (she sells jewelry). It took forever and there’s still more, but surprisingly I had fun. I think I have a thing for organizing.