Last year was hard

Entry 1

My favorite person.. my best friend. I never really had a person, I always had close friends but never someone that I knew 110% that I could count on. At the end of the day, everyone always needs their person. Having that someone who you know will always be there for you, a person you know is trustworthy and will bring out the best version of yourself is the best feeling ever. She’s not only my best friend but the best person I know. She provides me so much comfort and joy and always encourages me. Not just any friend will be able to do this with the same intentions as a best friend. Allowing yourself to connect with someone on a deeper level and actually being able to have a genuine relationship with them is all you really need to get through the day. That one person can really make a huge impact in your life, and she’s my person.

Entry 2

When I think about what dominant emotion is ruling over life right now, it’s stress.  I wish we lived a life without responsibilities, without deadlines, without pressure. I guess life would be easy then? There’s so much I have to stress and worry about. After this summer my life will change a lot. I’ll be a junior in high school. I’ll need to keep up with school grades, study and take the SAT, start thinking about college, and apply for scholarships. Then what? I’ll be a senior and I’ll kind of have to plan my life. After that, college, more stress. Maybe it’ll get easier. I’m always worrying and stressing about my future. I hate that I kinda have to start figuring my life out now. Decisions have always been a hard thing for me, and now I have to start doing a lot of that. What do I want to pursue a career in? Where do I want to apply for college? What courses should I take to make my college resume look good? These are all things I have to start considering as of this coming year. I guess, at the end of the day the stress is worth it? Or at least that’s what everyone tells us. I don’t think it’s worth it, tbh, after all when you live life under stress, it just mentally drains you. Who knows, future me, if you’re reading this, I hope you think it was worth it. Hopefully, you’re living in success. For now, though, all I can hope for is that it gets better, easier, and less stressful. 

Entry 3

I remember when it was January, everyone was talking about COVID-19, a lot of people just made jokes about the situation. I guess it’s valid, there’s always talk about things happening in the world and we never experience it so we all just kind of ignore it. Then we hear of the first case in the U.S. and even then most people just acted blindly.  Even myself, I never really thought anything about it, it made me feel nervous but I didn’t think it’d be something bad, worldwide. As I said, we’re always hearing of things happening in other places so I guess it just seemed fake.  

Later, there was talk about cases in Boston, and I guess that’s when I started to take it seriously. I remember it was March, and everyone was happy at the fact we’d be off school for two weeks. Well.. two weeks eventually turned into a whole year.  When I heard of the number of people getting sick and dying I was like “wow, this is actually real.” I was so paranoid, I would refuse to leave my house, even to just sit outside my house. I remember it was around April when one day I just woke up with a fever and a headache so bad that it made my eyes hurt so much, I felt so tired and weak. I tried to ignore it and my mom wanted to take me to the doctors, but I just refused to believe that I could have the virus that I once made jokes about. A week went by and I was in bed all day, didn’t eat, and wow that headache… unexplainable. After a week of drinking tea and medication, I started to feel well. I felt so relieved and so glad it was over.  

About a week or so later, my mom started feeling sick.  She completely got knocked off her feet and could barely walk. She, unlike myself, went to the doctors, and that’s when she was told she had COVID-19 and was sent to the hospital because she wasn’t able to breathe.  She was in her room for two or more weeks. She was extremely sick and as soon as I thought things couldn’t get worse, my dad got sick. He went to the doctors and that’s where he got told he also had it. I have two younger sisters, and for over two weeks I had to take care of them as if they were my own, it was very hard.  

I would see my mom from far away, and couldn’t even recognize her. I always heard how sick people got because of COVID-19 and how they died. She got the same way as the sick people got, I was so scared. After about three weeks, she and my dad both got well and they were up on their feet. I can’t express how thankful I am. There were millions of people who lost their parents due to covid and I am so thankful to be able to wake up and know they’re still here. That said, it was a hard year, but I made it.

Entry 4

Something that has helped me so much when I have been struggling has been journaling. I never like sharing anything with people, I kinda just take it all in for myself to deal with.  I guess it’s just kind of weird for me to have to explain to other people how I feel and why? As imagined keeping it all in becomes really hard most times, so many negative built-up emotions cause so much distress. Journaling has been a way in which I can get everything all out and really express myself without having to tell anyone.  It’s something that’s for me and myself only.  Explaining myself has always been a really hard thing for me, I guess that’s part of the reason why I don’t like sharing things with other people. When I write in my journal, I am able to explain myself in the way I want, I can say whatever and however I’d like.  I don’t have to worry about whether or not I’m making it easy for others to understand.  It’s my safe space to let it all out, and mentally it does me so well.